Okay, now where was I?

Oh yes, so we left off with me explaining how my recent bout of anxiety attacks is none other than my Divinity giving me a “thunk on the head” that I need to do better with my mental / emotional health. I’ve let my empathy run me over and it’s left me floundering in other people’s emotions. I have to free my joy from under the blanket of fear, insecurity, anxiety, hate, etc. that has cropped up in a couple of people I interact with on a daily basis. I also need to reclaim some personal space that is free from other people’s energy. I’m an introverted empath and have NOT had a single, SOLITARY retreat in ages.

As I like to practice what I preach (coming in July, The Next Chapter – Turning the Page from Dreams to Reality), I’m going to initiate a 30 day challenge in which I shut off the world via any type of screen – phone, computer, television – by five o’clock pm. My time between when I get home from work, which is now going to be around 6:30 pm, and the time I go to bed, which I hope to be no later than 10pm, will be spent hand writing my words for July Camp NaNo, exercising, doing yoga, and meditating.  My weekend screen hours will shift to Saturday night (if I’m at home) between six and ten, and none on Sunday as that’s my self-care day anyway.

I’m still not sure if I’m going to take the anxiety med or not. I’ve got a follow up with the nurse practitioner in July. I’m hopeful that between now and then, I can turn this around with the exercise, yoga, meditation deal. If I haven’t, then I’ll think again about taking the med. sigh

So, okay, that’s it. As my Morning Pages continue to be the new spot for this kind of life processing,  I will be back to blogging on a more regular basis. Look for my posts to become more engaging in that I’ll be asking more questions and sharing the successes / lessons learned as I continue on this journey. I really hope you’ll stick around.

Sending Love and Light,

Dana

There’s a Critter in my Box

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That little critter spent two days hanging out in my file folder – holder.  I had been in and out of the mesh box I don’t know how many times before I finally saw it. Fortunately, it was very still and didn’t do anything to startle me.  We spent those two days just sort of hanging out. I introduced it to my coworkers on the second day.  They weren’t all that impressed.

I, on the other hand, felt much like I did when I was a wee little tot adopting stray animals that happened to show up in my sphere of play.  There was a wild hedgehog, a string of feral cats, numerous caterpillars…I’d name them, talk to them, leave food for them.  The hedgehog earned me a trip to the doctor as I developed a skin rash from the handling of it.

I was a wild animal whisperer back in the day. I picked up and petted a baby diamond back rattler once and had a small bear stand on me on two separate summer camping excursions.  The feral cats NEVER bit or scratched me; they let me pet them, they let me feed them and one even let me pick it up. I pet that poor hedgehog into bad health probably as I was fascinated with the feel of it’s quills. Hence the skin rash.  I talked a squirrel out of the tree in a public park. That time I did get bit as it crept up to me, thinking I had some food in my hand. It grabbed my hand and took a nip of my pinky. Bled like the dickens and thanks to my sister’s overreaction, had me taking another trip to the hospital in fear of a potential bout of rabies. Fortunately, the doctor was less afraid and so cleaned the bite and sent me home with a stern warning to leave those wild animals alone.

Aside from the *shudders* spiders of late, this little lizard is the first truly wild critter to make itself at home so close to me.

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I don’t mind really. I’ve named it George.

Hope you’re having a nice weekend.

Sending love and light…and the love of random critters.

Dana

2:33 AM – Deja Vu

Hey. This post is sponsored by our friends at Insomnia International, the Migraine Fairy Brigade, and Excedrine.

Guess who’s been awake since 2:30 AM? And if we take a stroll through the archives, I’d be willing to bet there are at least four other posts with similar times in their titles.

Sigh.

Since I’m up, might as well churn out a few words. I’m not anticipating being sleepy again until it’s time to roll out to work, and then again at 2:30 pm when I’ll be doing my best bobble-head impression at my desk.

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So, yeah…I was in Vermont this past weekend. I’d never been north of New Jersey (Newark to be exact), unless you count Romulus, MI.  Is that north of New Jersey? I’ll have to look that up.  Hold on.

Why yes, yes it is. So, okay, I’d never been north of Romulus, MI before in my life! It was an 18 hour drive to and from.  One I did by myself, straight through, Friday (5/12) and then again this past Monday (5/15).  I had taken Tuesday off just in case – good thing too because the exhaustion caught up with me round about 2:30 in the afternoon on Tuesday (there has got to be some spiritual connection in my life to those numbers / times of the day).

Vermont, the parts of it I saw, are amazingly beautiful. Idyllic. Picturesque. Oh, and I just Google Mapped it – I have to take back my earlier statement about having not been further north than Romulus, MI.  Apparently, England (Burwell and then Lakenheath to be exact) where I lived for 4 wonderfully remembered years, and have visited now twice, is further north than both Romulus and Vermont. Geography is so not my thing, obviously.

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Where was I? Oh yes.  Vermont.  My friend’s house is on a gentle slope in Huntington. It’s surrounded by woods on three sides, has a rushing ‘brook’ (bigger than a creek, way smaller than most rivers) in a ravine along the back.  The sound of which was enough to instantly relieve whatever stress I felt. There are moose and the occasional bear seen in and around the property.  It was HEAVEN.  Too bad I couldn’t live there, lol.

What I mean by that is, as wonderful as it was to visit, the depth of the snow, the many months out of the year there IS snow, the lack of racial diversity, and the smallness of the towns, hamlets, and villages, would soon drive me insane.   There are a ton of great writing spots though – my goodness, the areas we visited while I was there would make for the perfect writer’s retreats. I’m already planning my next visit.  The Von Trap family (of Disney make over fame) still have a lodge in Vermont that is owned by some of the grand kids. We drove by the sign on our way to a most wonderful breakfast.

Be on the look out for blog changes. Going legit on the business front requires branding myself in my various roles. Publisher me has a spot at www.nowatapress.com.  Author me, who has been hanging out on this blog will get her own spot, hopefully to be, danaellington.com (fingers crossed it’s available).  I’m working on post ideas and a schedule now – since they’re business oriented, the content must be geared toward supporting my customers / clients / readers and promoting sales. None of this random, o’dark silly, head ache inspired rambling – according to the “experts”, this is NOT how one should blog if one is to be taken seriously in the eyes of one’s potential customers.  Sigh. You do realize how difficult it is for me to do things the way I’m “supposed” to, right? This ought to be funny.

Oh, would you look at the time (4:46 am).  Thanks for sitting with me for a while. I feel a little better now, so I’m going to lie back down for a bit.

Sending love and light,

Dana

22 of 40 – It’s Been a Minute

Another revelatory round of Morning Pages. Check this out. I have come back to my home town every year since I moved away in 2005. I started coming back to do writer’s events in 2010.  It has snowed every trip back with the exception of the one time I came back during a summer to take my daughter to a (no rude jokes please) band camp.  I moved to Georgia in 2005 – it has snowed in Georgia to some extent every year I’ve lived in there. What is the deal with the snow, I wondered.

Another little bit of background. I used to not be concerned with snow or the cold. Even when I had to get out in it to go to school. It was an inconvenience but still nothing that bothered me much. Then one afternoon, one of many where I’d manged to lose my house key, I came home from the bus stop and no one was home. It was COLD out. I had on my ‘good’ winter coat, a lovely velvet – maxi length coat that was all the rage back in that day. It was heavy, but not long term cold heavy. Anyway, I sat on the porch for awhile in the fading light of the winter day. When it got dark, I huddled in the recess between the front door and the wall. I don’t remember how long I was there. I got home from the bus at maybe, 3:30pm. It was full dark when my mom and sister finally pulled up. I’ll never forget, my sister, when she got out of the car said, “Hey look mom, we’ve got a package. No wait, that’s Dana.”  They opened the door and got me inside. Shortly after, I began to cry because my hands and feet hurt so bad; my sister had me holding my hands under warming running water. I don’t remember much of the rest of the evening. I can tell you that like most women I know, I tend to stay cold. And once my hands and feet get cold, you can pretty much hang it up. I’ve never had a pair of gloves that kept my hands warm since that incident. Suffice to say, snow and cold are NOT my forte.

So, why has the snow followed me around? Here’s where I get to the point of this post. After this morning’s Morning Pages, I think it happens as a reminder to find the beauty, I’m using beauty as a general term, in every moment. When I stopped complaining this morning, just stopped and listened, I was reminded of how beautiful this city can be when under a blanket of cold, but crystal, sparkling, snow. How spiritually cleansing the silence of a snowed in city is – when every sound is muffled, the skies are of HD clarity, the stars overhead shining like cliched diamonds. The Source exists in those moments for me, without a doubt.

I am reminded by this snow fall to find the beauty in my fear, in the uncomfortable moments. Not every day is going to be peace-ful so sometimes, in my discomfort, I will need to look beyond the cold, the pain, the unease – I will need to reach deep, beyond the surface, and find the beauty. That is the reason it snows.

Apr 29 2017 Denver CO

Sending love and light,

Dana

19 of 40 – Another scene

This is more of an excerpt of a scene, but it lit me up as I was writing it…

“So how does all this work?”
“Well, okay. There’s The Source. It is the energy or whatever that created everything. In human science, Its called The Big Bang, in human religions, Its usually called God. Alright, so from that point where The Source came into being, evolution starts up not too long after. Again, modern human science calls them quarks. Those little bits of Source got together with other little bits, and so on and so on. Some form into matter, others form into what we consider to be living beings.  Time, while not being measured then, is passing and things grow, develop, change, and so on. You end up with parts of The Source developing all kinds of housings, then when those housings deteriorate, that bit of The Source is freed to find another housing. Are you with me so far?”
Victoria had a general grasp on what Warner was explaining, so she nodded her head and gestured for him to continue.
“Alright. Now, here’s where it gets a bit tricky. Used to be that when these tiny bits of Source wanted to return, they ascended whole, as they were. And that was all well and good until the larger configurations of The Source formed a version of conscious awareness. You may think of these as souls. As each soul evolved it believed itself to be a separate thing and didn’t want to be absorbed back into the whole. The Source, being self aware all along, understood this development and allowed these new souls to maintain their housings and ascend in tact. Hence the ancient, indescribable beings that dwell beyond our comprehension throughout the realm.”
“Oh. Have you ever seen one?”
“No. And from what I understand, I wouldn’t be able to process what I was looking at anyway. Maybe once I’ve ascended but who knows.”
“Uh huh. Okay, keep going. Man, this would make a great movie.”
“The special effects budget would have to be gargantuan. But anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. So evolution brings about bodies, the Soul’s now having evolved consciousness to the point of curiosity and craving, want to experience bodies. They developed a way to inhabit these configurations for the sake of having experiences. Next thing you know, you get the humans of today.”
“So, what you’re telling me is that none of us is really human, we’re just pieces of the Source out for a joy ride.”
“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.”

(giggle…now, on to tonight’s writing)

Sending love and light!

Dana

17 of 40 – Light bulb…

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Or an “ah ha” moment. Or an epiphany (we’ve had plenty of each on this blog).  Either way, this morning’s Morning Pages coupled with some questions from Terri Cole’s Love Revolution series (specifically the Secondary Gain work sheet)…

 

helped me to identify some key behaviors I need to stop doing. Yes, there was some “why” exploration involved, but it lead very quickly to how to “pull out the arrow” so to speak. You’ll remember that from this post, 11 of 40.

Anyway, since this worked for me, I thought I’d share it here, in hopes someone else found it useful.

Might I suggest:

  1. Watch the video
  2. Click to get the worksheet (you can unsubscribe after)
  3. Put each question at the top of a blank page
  4. Free write whatever comes up as you focus on the question

Might take a couple of runs – I’ve been doing Morning Pages now since late December and some things take me a couple of days or so of Pages to get to my truth; others have taken one and half pages, lol. This was a one and half pager so I’m thinking my Divinity really wanted me to get this lesson quickly so She shouted the answers at me instead of whispering.

Oh well, all I can do is point out the water. It’s up to you to decide to take a drink or not.

Sending love and light,

Dana

15 of 40 – The Eye of the Spider

Yeah…so, my “spirit animal” twice or thrice removed made a dramatic appearance this morning in the form of a web dive to the ground just in my peripheral vision as I was coming through a doorway at work. *shudder* It has been several months since the last “blessing” so I suppose I should be somewhat grateful they aren’t attempting to communicate as often as they were a couple years ago. Why oh why couldn’t my spirit guides send money instead? lol.  Oh wait, they do that as well, just not in super large denominations.

Oh well.

Sending love and light.

Dana

14 of 40 – For your information

In order:

  1. Do Unto Others by See, Seek, Find (Dina)
  2. POV by Stephanie Huesler
  3. FGM: What Can We Do by See, Seek, Find (Dina)

I wonder if you’ll connect dots the way I did between the three posts? I wonder if you will look around you and attempt to see things, people, situations, in perspectives that are outside your own?

I wonder if you’ll actively seek to treat people you directly and indirectly come in contact with in ways that more closely resemble how you’d want to be treated? I wonder if you’ll pause to assess situations with a different set of criteria? I wonder if you’ll find this or other US based atrocities worth acting out against?

I wonder if humans are able to stop hurting each other based on their sense of lack, fear, of there not being enough to go around; killing and maiming, selling each other, torturing each other for money, the perception of power…

I wonder.

With love, light, and ACTION

Dana