Ch…Ch….Ch…Changes

Yesterday, between the hours of six and nine pm I did the following:

  • upgraded this blog to a “personal” plan in order to transform it to a more proper Author’s Blog (whatever the hell that is…)
  • kicked my “satinsheetdiva” (oh, the follies of youth) name / persona to the curb, opting for the more author appropriate Dana Ellington, MAPW (new website domain is dana-ellington.com.  LOVE)
  • moved said domain to the realm of my business website (www.nowatapress.com – thank you Alexis Chateau, PR!) so I may manage all of my business venture websites under one log in
  • finally landed on the ‘official’ working title, tag line, and processes / posting and event schedules for the other coaching work I do which will be launching officially the same day as I re-launch the official-ness of the OTHER coaching work I do.  Stay tuned.
  • bought a spot for book sales at the Decatur Book Festival (they’re expecting over 80,000 people!!!  One or two might buy one of my books, eh?) coming in September.
  • bought my plane tickets to go see Danielle LaPorte in person (have you even taken a small peek at The White Hot Truth or any of the other Danielle LaPorte stuff I’ve linked?). That’s my bday present to myself this year. And I feel downright guilty for having spent the money. Go figure. sigh…
  • and had my head shaved.

I am in the middle of a freak out of epic proportions. Although you can’t tell to look at me, I am a MESS of mixed emotions: self-doubt, excitement, wonder, relief, joy, fear, overwhelming gratitude for the love, acceptance, and support of some key people in my life; there’s some guilt, anger, resentment, floating around in here; I’ve got a touch of faith that the Universe is working in my favor, and abject certainty that I’m going to be punished for daring to do what I wanted to do. There’s some jealousy and a little pity buried in here too.  Oh, there’s a touch of grief / mourning for opportunities not taken, for situations not handled well, people who passed on before I got the chance to resolve some issues, etc.

My old numbing techniques and general other self-sabotaging behaviors are swirling around; sharks to blood in the water, for a visual. I’m afraid to leave my home for fear of one or the other of them taking me down into the depths where they can feast on my drowning carcass at their leisure.

I’m writing this all out as a prayer. I’ve already done my Morning Pages, but I avoided going deep. Apparently this one needed a more public display so as to be projected more strongly to the Heavens (or wherever my Divinity resides. Sometimes I think She’s always lived inside me, other times I think I have to pull Her down from above.)

So okay, here goes.

My Goddess, God, Creator, Source, et al, who art in everything. Hallowed be Thy names. Thy empire come, Thy will be done, on Earth as You would have it be done. Give us (me) this day, our (my) daily blessing, and forgive us (me) our (my) trespasses, as we (I) forgive those who trespass against us (me). Lead us (me) to our (my) Purpose and deliver us (me) from Resistance (as described by Steven Pressfield in the War of Art). For Thine is the Universal love, acceptance, and abundance we all (I) seek. Forever and ever. Amen.

As always, sending much love and LIGHT,

Dana

There’s a Critter in my Box

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That little critter spent two days hanging out in my file folder – holder.  I had been in and out of the mesh box I don’t know how many times before I finally saw it. Fortunately, it was very still and didn’t do anything to startle me.  We spent those two days just sort of hanging out. I introduced it to my coworkers on the second day.  They weren’t all that impressed.

I, on the other hand, felt much like I did when I was a wee little tot adopting stray animals that happened to show up in my sphere of play.  There was a wild hedgehog, a string of feral cats, numerous caterpillars…I’d name them, talk to them, leave food for them.  The hedgehog earned me a trip to the doctor as I developed a skin rash from the handling of it.

I was a wild animal whisperer back in the day. I picked up and petted a baby diamond back rattler once and had a small bear stand on me on two separate summer camping excursions.  The feral cats NEVER bit or scratched me; they let me pet them, they let me feed them and one even let me pick it up. I pet that poor hedgehog into bad health probably as I was fascinated with the feel of it’s quills. Hence the skin rash.  I talked a squirrel out of the tree in a public park. That time I did get bit as it crept up to me, thinking I had some food in my hand. It grabbed my hand and took a nip of my pinky. Bled like the dickens and thanks to my sister’s overreaction, had me taking another trip to the hospital in fear of a potential bout of rabies. Fortunately, the doctor was less afraid and so cleaned the bite and sent me home with a stern warning to leave those wild animals alone.

Aside from the *shudders* spiders of late, this little lizard is the first truly wild critter to make itself at home so close to me.

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I don’t mind really. I’ve named it George.

Hope you’re having a nice weekend.

Sending love and light…and the love of random critters.

Dana

2:33 AM – Deja Vu

Hey. This post is sponsored by our friends at Insomnia International, the Migraine Fairy Brigade, and Excedrine.

Guess who’s been awake since 2:30 AM? And if we take a stroll through the archives, I’d be willing to bet there are at least four other posts with similar times in their titles.

Sigh.

Since I’m up, might as well churn out a few words. I’m not anticipating being sleepy again until it’s time to roll out to work, and then again at 2:30 pm when I’ll be doing my best bobble-head impression at my desk.

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So, yeah…I was in Vermont this past weekend. I’d never been north of New Jersey (Newark to be exact), unless you count Romulus, MI.  Is that north of New Jersey? I’ll have to look that up.  Hold on.

Why yes, yes it is. So, okay, I’d never been north of Romulus, MI before in my life! It was an 18 hour drive to and from.  One I did by myself, straight through, Friday (5/12) and then again this past Monday (5/15).  I had taken Tuesday off just in case – good thing too because the exhaustion caught up with me round about 2:30 in the afternoon on Tuesday (there has got to be some spiritual connection in my life to those numbers / times of the day).

Vermont, the parts of it I saw, are amazingly beautiful. Idyllic. Picturesque. Oh, and I just Google Mapped it – I have to take back my earlier statement about having not been further north than Romulus, MI.  Apparently, England (Burwell and then Lakenheath to be exact) where I lived for 4 wonderfully remembered years, and have visited now twice, is further north than both Romulus and Vermont. Geography is so not my thing, obviously.

north

Where was I? Oh yes.  Vermont.  My friend’s house is on a gentle slope in Huntington. It’s surrounded by woods on three sides, has a rushing ‘brook’ (bigger than a creek, way smaller than most rivers) in a ravine along the back.  The sound of which was enough to instantly relieve whatever stress I felt. There are moose and the occasional bear seen in and around the property.  It was HEAVEN.  Too bad I couldn’t live there, lol.

What I mean by that is, as wonderful as it was to visit, the depth of the snow, the many months out of the year there IS snow, the lack of racial diversity, and the smallness of the towns, hamlets, and villages, would soon drive me insane.   There are a ton of great writing spots though – my goodness, the areas we visited while I was there would make for the perfect writer’s retreats. I’m already planning my next visit.  The Von Trap family (of Disney make over fame) still have a lodge in Vermont that is owned by some of the grand kids. We drove by the sign on our way to a most wonderful breakfast.

Be on the look out for blog changes. Going legit on the business front requires branding myself in my various roles. Publisher me has a spot at www.nowatapress.com.  Author me, who has been hanging out on this blog will get her own spot, hopefully to be, danaellington.com (fingers crossed it’s available).  I’m working on post ideas and a schedule now – since they’re business oriented, the content must be geared toward supporting my customers / clients / readers and promoting sales. None of this random, o’dark silly, head ache inspired rambling – according to the “experts”, this is NOT how one should blog if one is to be taken seriously in the eyes of one’s potential customers.  Sigh. You do realize how difficult it is for me to do things the way I’m “supposed” to, right? This ought to be funny.

Oh, would you look at the time (4:46 am).  Thanks for sitting with me for a while. I feel a little better now, so I’m going to lie back down for a bit.

Sending love and light,

Dana

Keep Dreaming

Wise words to kick off the morning :-).

See. Seek. Find.

I was talking to my friend Holly the other night about growing older and dreams and regrets. Holly and I have been friends since were 15 and are now in our mid-40s. Both of us are only just starting to figure out how to attain the things we’ve dreamed of our entire lives and, although we are pursuing it, the self-doubt and the self-hate chases behind.

Am I too old? Is it too late? Why didn’t I do this before? Why did it take me so long to figure all this out? Is it worth it at this point in my life?

Am I too old?

I’ve literally been asking myself this question about decisions for the past 10 years, and I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had ever considered the answer “yes.” The best thing my mother ever told me was this, “You are going to…

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Women Are Not Here For You. You Do Not Own Us.

Amen.

Drifting Through

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A guy walks up to a girl in a bar. She’s laughing with her friends, engrossed in conversation. He slides in next to her to introduce himself. Offers her a drink. I’m just here to hang with my friends she says more than once. He proceeds to ask her “get to know you” questions, ignores her icy stare. Oblivious to her friends rolling their eyes. He appears immune to her Not interested‘s and her No thank you‘s. Finally, she sighs, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. He backs away grudgingly, defensively, hands in the air, It’s cool, it’s cool. I got it.

Her rebuffs weren’t enough. Her refusals were dismissed. It was clear that what she wanted wasn’t of much concern to him. But another man’s woman? That’s a record scratch. A stop sign. A no trespassing sign.

This story isn’t unusual. It’s not even rare. Most women at…

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23 of 40 – How to find a good therapist.

I want counseling. But not just any kind of counseling. I don’t want to spend an exorbitant amount of money for 55 minutes of hearing myself talk. Oh no. I want to go in, state my issues, and walk out with some concrete ways to deal with them.

I’m sinking again. The overwhelm, the negativity. Being around people who don’t understand or want to believe how certain things affect me. As if I’m lying, or exaggerating – being overly dramatic.  I want a therapist or counseling who KNOWS about introversion and being empathetic – who understands and can freakin’ help me feel just my feelings or help me process all the outside feelings that or just…freakin’ help me.

I want a counselor who likes people. Who enjoys his or her job and isn’t out just to make a buck; some one who doesn’t automatically reach for the prescription pad but instead knows some real life coping skills I can learn.

I need help y’all.

Thank you.

Sending Love and Light,

Dana

22 of 40 – It’s Been a Minute

Another revelatory round of Morning Pages. Check this out. I have come back to my home town every year since I moved away in 2005. I started coming back to do writer’s events in 2010.  It has snowed every trip back with the exception of the one time I came back during a summer to take my daughter to a (no rude jokes please) band camp.  I moved to Georgia in 2005 – it has snowed in Georgia to some extent every year I’ve lived in there. What is the deal with the snow, I wondered.

Another little bit of background. I used to not be concerned with snow or the cold. Even when I had to get out in it to go to school. It was an inconvenience but still nothing that bothered me much. Then one afternoon, one of many where I’d manged to lose my house key, I came home from the bus stop and no one was home. It was COLD out. I had on my ‘good’ winter coat, a lovely velvet – maxi length coat that was all the rage back in that day. It was heavy, but not long term cold heavy. Anyway, I sat on the porch for awhile in the fading light of the winter day. When it got dark, I huddled in the recess between the front door and the wall. I don’t remember how long I was there. I got home from the bus at maybe, 3:30pm. It was full dark when my mom and sister finally pulled up. I’ll never forget, my sister, when she got out of the car said, “Hey look mom, we’ve got a package. No wait, that’s Dana.”  They opened the door and got me inside. Shortly after, I began to cry because my hands and feet hurt so bad; my sister had me holding my hands under warming running water. I don’t remember much of the rest of the evening. I can tell you that like most women I know, I tend to stay cold. And once my hands and feet get cold, you can pretty much hang it up. I’ve never had a pair of gloves that kept my hands warm since that incident. Suffice to say, snow and cold are NOT my forte.

So, why has the snow followed me around? Here’s where I get to the point of this post. After this morning’s Morning Pages, I think it happens as a reminder to find the beauty, I’m using beauty as a general term, in every moment. When I stopped complaining this morning, just stopped and listened, I was reminded of how beautiful this city can be when under a blanket of cold, but crystal, sparkling, snow. How spiritually cleansing the silence of a snowed in city is – when every sound is muffled, the skies are of HD clarity, the stars overhead shining like cliched diamonds. The Source exists in those moments for me, without a doubt.

I am reminded by this snow fall to find the beauty in my fear, in the uncomfortable moments. Not every day is going to be peace-ful so sometimes, in my discomfort, I will need to look beyond the cold, the pain, the unease – I will need to reach deep, beyond the surface, and find the beauty. That is the reason it snows.

Apr 29 2017 Denver CO

Sending love and light,

Dana

Finding the right places for outrage.

I continue to be grateful for the people who are so able to put their thoughts in coherent sentences. When it comes to me being able to rage against the injustices, I get choked up. So again, thank you to the wonderful thought provokers and clear writers!

It's a Thought

Trump hosted the Teacher of Year Award winners on last Wednesday. Every President since Truman has done so.  It is generally treated as An Event.  Speeches, a meal, etc.  family members are included and the President spends time with them.

This year Trump treated it as an after thought.  A sign of the absolute chaos that seems to reign in the white house.  No event was planned.  The state winners, without family, were ushered into the Oval Office, Trump remained seated throughout.  A casual meet and greet.  The teachers sang Happy Birthday to Melania.

On the surface it just feels sort of not a big deal.  We already know they run a shitty White House.  That they lack the organizational skills to handle with dignity normal Presidential duties.

The part that is more troublesome is this:  “several participants who agreed to speak only on the condition of anonymity because…

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NOW HIRING: Junior Designer at Alexis Chateau PR

If you know of any designer youth who might be looking to get their first taste of a real job; deadline for applications is April 30th!

Alexis Chateau

Alexis Chateau PR, is seeking a Junior Designer to join the team. This is a remote internship position: ideal for a high school or college student who wants to gain experience, and build their portfolio; while making some money on the side.

Responsibilities

The successful Junior Designer will:

  • Work directly with the Founder & Managing Director, Alexis Chateau, on creative projects for the firm.
  • Create original digital artwork for use in ads, memes, banners, and other creative branding pieces for Alexis Chateau PR.
  • Pitch creative ideas to Alexis Chateau for use in ads, memes, banners, and other creative branding pieces for Alexis Chateau PR.
  • Take and share high quality photos for use in company branding, and on social media platforms.

Requirements

The ideal Junior Designer possesses the following:

  • Home or Mobile Office Including:
    • Laptop (Mac/ Windows)
    • Graphics Tablet
    • Adobe Photoshop Suite (or suitable equivalent)
    • Digital Camera (8 mega-pixels or more)
    • Reliable High…

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