Yesterday, between the hours of six and nine pm I did the following:
- upgraded this blog to a “personal” plan in order to transform it to a more proper Author’s Blog (whatever the hell that is…)
- kicked my “satinsheetdiva” (oh, the follies of youth) name / persona to the curb, opting for the more author appropriate Dana Ellington, MAPW (new website domain is dana-ellington.com. LOVE)
- moved said domain to the realm of my business website (www.nowatapress.com – thank you Alexis Chateau, PR!) so I may manage all of my business venture websites under one log in
- finally landed on the ‘official’ working title, tag line, and processes / posting and event schedules for the other coaching work I do which will be launching officially the same day as I re-launch the official-ness of the OTHER coaching work I do. Stay tuned.
- bought a spot for book sales at the Decatur Book Festival (they’re expecting over 80,000 people!!! One or two might buy one of my books, eh?) coming in September.
- bought my plane tickets to go see Danielle LaPorte in person (have you even taken a small peek at The White Hot Truth or any of the other Danielle LaPorte stuff I’ve linked?). That’s my bday present to myself this year. And I feel downright guilty for having spent the money. Go figure. sigh…
- and had my head shaved.
I am in the middle of a freak out of epic proportions. Although you can’t tell to look at me, I am a MESS of mixed emotions: self-doubt, excitement, wonder, relief, joy, fear, overwhelming gratitude for the love, acceptance, and support of some key people in my life; there’s some guilt, anger, resentment, floating around in here; I’ve got a touch of faith that the Universe is working in my favor, and abject certainty that I’m going to be punished for daring to do what I wanted to do. There’s some jealousy and a little pity buried in here too. Oh, there’s a touch of grief / mourning for opportunities not taken, for situations not handled well, people who passed on before I got the chance to resolve some issues, etc.
My old numbing techniques and general other self-sabotaging behaviors are swirling around; sharks to blood in the water, for a visual. I’m afraid to leave my home for fear of one or the other of them taking me down into the depths where they can feast on my drowning carcass at their leisure.
I’m writing this all out as a prayer. I’ve already done my Morning Pages, but I avoided going deep. Apparently this one needed a more public display so as to be projected more strongly to the Heavens (or wherever my Divinity resides. Sometimes I think She’s always lived inside me, other times I think I have to pull Her down from above.)
So okay, here goes.
My Goddess, God, Creator, Source, et al, who art in everything. Hallowed be Thy names. Thy empire come, Thy will be done, on Earth as You would have it be done. Give us (me) this day, our (my) daily blessing, and forgive us (me) our (my) trespasses, as we (I) forgive those who trespass against us (me). Lead us (me) to our (my) Purpose and deliver us (me) from Resistance (as described by Steven Pressfield in the War of Art). For Thine is the Universal love, acceptance, and abundance we all (I) seek. Forever and ever. Amen.
As always, sending much love and LIGHT,