Not sure if this qualifies as an eating disorder or not, but I can officially declare that I am over eating. Not “over-eating” as in I’m eating past my comfort level, although I often find that I do that as well. No, I mean, I’m over the act of eating. I lost my taste for food about five or six years ago. I can’t discern many flavors anymore. I can tell you when something is spicy, when something is salty, sour, or too sweet but beyond that, it all tastes pretty much the same.
All this time, I’ve been eating out of habit. I know I’m supposed to eat so I do. Outside of that, I can go for hours and not think to put any food in my system. I don’t tend to get “hungry”, instead I go from not thinking about food to wondering why I have a headache or my hands are shaking and I feel a bit queasy.
I don’t enjoy eating. Typically after a meal, I’m unhappy that I chose to eat. If it’s a “healthy”, veggie laden meal, I’m unhappy because it just didn’t satisfy. If it’s one of my usual meals, I’m unhappy because I chose foods that weren’t on the “good for you” menu and more than likely ate too much of something, so on top of it, I’m feeling uncomfortable in my clothes, which translates to “I’m fat” which then spirals into the extreme, “I’m going to die from (insert any number of health issues here)”.
But on the flip side, I’m just a few days away from the (re)launch of my business(es). I may have gotten a handle on that anxiety thing, and if all goes well, will start therapy next week.
It’s been an interesting 50 years so far…