I’ve been on a bit of a downward spiral since my birthday. A reaction to someone I consider important having not acknowledged my birthday. Yeah, I know. Not that big of a deal when you consider the bigger picture, but that one little thing dug in under my skin and much like the blood sucking, creepy, crawly Tick I managed to acquire while on vacation last year, it stung when it happened, but then dug in and festered for a day or two (or in the case of the unacknowledged birthday hurt feelings, a week or two) before I realized it.
That one incident – the unacknowledged birthday, not the vacation tick – has colored my view of my world with a dark tint that leached the color out of everything. I’ve made some great strides (baby steps, but steps forward none the less) recently, like:
- I’ve cut out an almost $400+ / month habit of eating out to maybe $40 / month.
- I’ve dropped almost a thousand needless calories (sugar / fat) a day from my diet while incorporating breakfast (which I never used to eat), more fruits and veggies in to it, yet still maintaining a caloric intake that is more closely aligned with what’s healthy for me.
- I walk more now than I have since getting my driver’s license (17 yrs old) and access to a car on a regular basis (25 yrs old). I even walk more at work and that’s saying something seeing as how I have a desk heavy job these days, despite having a warehouse full of equipment to manage.
- I’ve got $150 in savings. A hundred of which has been there for two weeks, untouched. When I tell you this is an accomplishment of epic proportions for me, believe it. You’re reading the posts of someone who elevated being broke to an art form. I would burn through money like a forest fire through the drought laden California mountains.
- I have turned cooking dinner, bringing my lunch to work, and grocery shopping on a weekly basis into a habit. Another one of those epic-ly proportioned accomplishments. You see, we’re talking changes to habits that had been in residence for the better part of 20 years. I’ve turned it around in 8 weeks.
There are a few other changes I’ve made, but you get the gist. I’ve done some really cool things toward reaching some life goals but because of that damn ONE disappointment, all I’ve been focusing on lately is:
- how I’m still no closer to getting my credit score out of the “You’ve got to be kidding if you think you’re ever going to qualify for a decent interest rate, let alone be able to buy a house…EVER” range.
- how I’ve gotten into this cycle of putting things on my credit card, then paying it off at the end of the month, only to be left with no money so I have to put things on the credit card the next month…etc.
- how I don’t seem to be able to pay on my student loans in a timely fashion, and how my efforts to follow the rules keeps getting undermined by those who are able to get away with doing whatever the hell they want.
Things came to a head yesterday morning which activated my flight response. I struggled not to quit everything and move into my truck (which is paid for by the way! Did that earlier this year 🙂 ).
But then today, I read a blog (I do so enjoy how this happens, thank you Ms. Kelly @ Drifting Through My Open Mind) and it made me step back and be still for a minute. In that stillness,
- I could hear two of my best friends reminding me that I’ve indeed come a long way and I should be patting myself on the back. That while these changes seem small, they are significant and should be celebrated.
- I’m reminded of the destructive behaviors I’ve stopped and the negativity I’ve over come.
- I realized how few migraines I’ve had lately, and how clean my living spaces seem to stay now-days.
And so many other little things that mark a positive upswing. I’ve got a-ways to go, I’ve got (hopefully) plenty of time to live, so, I’ll either get where I want to be, or die…at which time it won’t matter anymore, eh?