So yeah, I went to the gym last night. First time since March, I think. Put my podling on blast, made sure the ear buds were securely in my ears, and didn’t make eye contact with anyone except the desk staff. Went straight back to the free weights, secured a flat bench and proceeded to do some simple dumbbell exercises. Three sets, reps to the point of bad form, weight just heavy enough to be a challenge by rep 12 or so. I didn’t think, didn’t rooty-poot around between sets, and didn’t allow any negative self-talk to interfere with my tunes or my effort. I didn’t do some super involved work out either. Just the major muscle groups of my chest and back. The exercises I did worked the minor muscles – bis, tris – as well, so all was covered.
Here’s the funny part, I was in and out in about 15 minutes. My arms were noodles on the drive home, lol.
I purposefully didn’t allow myself to think – not about what others where doing or how they might perceive my workout; I didn’t consider what I was wearing as it might appear to someone else. I didn’t wonder if I was really just wasting my time coming in without a full-blown, intricately planned work-out chock full of precisely measured weights, perfectly timed sets, and some fancy app or book in which to log it. I looked at only myself in the mirrors, tried mightily to have blinders on so as not to notice the muscled guy next to me who was casually hefting the 75, no, those might be 90’s…whatever, the guy who was pressing those huge dumbbells next to me then dropping down to knock out 25 perfect military push-ups (ARGH!). I didn’t allow myself to ‘feel’ weak. Or “too old for this anymore.”
I only wanted to finally feel as if I was pushing myself beyond my stupidly, self-conscious, self-imposed limits. I wanted to accept where I was in terms of ability knowing full well that with consistency this level will rise. I wanted to finally feel GOOD ENOUGH.
I didn’t quite get all that wanted from my workout, but there’s always tomorrow.