Well, Shit.

Yeah, it’s about that time. You know, that time when you look around you and all that comes to mind, is “Well, shit….” usually followed by a, “this isn’t what I wanted”, “this isn’t where I expected to be”, or a, “this sucks.”

Once it’s out in the open, once you acknowledge that the time has come, then the theme to Rocky (for those of you who are, well…old, like me) starts playing in the back of your head and you get that tingly sensation in your gut.  Suddenly, you are motivated to change EVERYTHING, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!  You think of all the things, people, habits, etc., you need to get rid of in order to clear your mind and maybe find some peace in this crazy world. You sign up for seminars, gym memberships, classes; decide to get counseling, stop drinking, stop smoking, stop eating….well, everything that brings you any modicum of satisfaction because you know you’re just eating to numb the pain.  You vow that this time you will achieve the damn goal!

 

Yeah, well.  That was me, this morning. Not that I got up and ran a gajillion miles, dropped and did 100 perfect push-ups then went on to tenderize a ton of frozen beef with my rag wrapped fists.  No, just the EVERYTHING HAS TO CHANGE RIGHT FUCKIN’ NOW part. I have had it.  I’ve had it with convincing myself what I can’t do before I’ve tried anything. My life is littered with proof that when I want to do something, I do it (usually to my financial detriment, but that’s neither here nor there).  And I’m usually alone when I do – as in, I don’t have an accountability buddy standing by to “make sure” I do what I say I’m going to do.

I want to go back and delete all the posts in which I said I was going to do something that never came to fruition. It’s embarrassing. I’m tired of doing that as well. Announcing my big plans in one post, then just a few posts later, I’m back to complaining or whining about how nothing changed. And if I’m tired of it, I’m sure the few folks who read my posts on a regular basis are bit fed up as well.

Oh but for real, SOMETHING has got to change.

I’m sorry, what was that? What was it that sparked this rant?  Good question.  You’re probably going to get a little giggle when I tell you. So, a few posts back, I posted my physical stats; weight, body fat percentage, etc.  I tracked a whole month’s worth of measurements, hopping on the scale once a week.  Over the course of 30 days, give or take a day, this is how things ended up…

stats

Notice anything interesting with those lines there? Yeah…after the initial start date, they’re pretty much flat lines! After all the tracking, walking, eating green stuff instead of fried stuff, water drinking (and laps to and from the bathroom at all hours of the day and night), all I have to show for it is one minuscule little drop here and there? WTF, bro?!

are-you-serious-wtf-meme-baby-face

I hope by now you are indeed giggling as this post is mostly meant to be humorous. You see, in my previous lives, this is the point where I’d be giving up. I’d be thinking that things should be magically delicious…wait, I mean, drastically different by now, when in fact, I’ve done very little in terms of drastic changes. Sure, I’ve made little strides here and there to up my game so to speak, but let’s be real, I haven’t even scratched the surface – not with my diet (and I mean that in terms of what I eat overall, not as in one of those restrictive, demon-spawned, ‘you can’t eat anything’ meal plans), my exercise, or my general way of life. I took roughly a month to gain some insight, gather some intel, and add a few habits that I can build on this month.  For example, I log 95 percent of what I eat (that 5 percent is the stuff I KNOW is just plain bad, lol); I consciously get up and walk more; when I get home, the couch is the LAST place I end up, opting instead to do some light housework, cook dinner, and maybe take a walk instead of plopping down in the seated position for six hours until bed.

I now have a foundation of habits on which I can ‘level up’.  I started a new 30 days yesterday, and here’s the plan. I’ll be parking further away from my office which will add steps to my daily count. I went to the grocery store Sunday and bought just enough food for the week to have a piece of fruit for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and something easy (meat and fresh veggie) for dinner – I don’t enjoy cooking, so no more need for the downloaded, fancy recipes and such. I also included a second fruit for any late night snacking I may be tempted to indulge in. This Sunday, I’ll go back to the grocery store and do it again for the next week, and so on.  I have discovered (along with some much needed patience) that keeping things as simple as possible (thank you Nerd Fitness and James Clear) is the best way for me to get to where I want to be.

And thanks to a couple of folks in my blog community who posted some inspirational stuff regarding their work outs (A Thicket of Musings, “Pictures, Feeling Fat, & Weightlifting“, and Simple Living Over 50 – the title says it all), I feel the need to get some use out of my $10 a month gym membership that I haven’t cancelled yet.

So, there you have it. Even though this isn’t where I want to be, isn’t what I wanted, and right royally sucks, I’m not giving up. I’m taking my own advice, continuing on the path, and will see where the next 30 days takes me.

Feels weird.  LOL

2 thoughts on “Well, Shit.

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