get good grades
like science, math, classic literature
pursue higher (and higher) levels of education / knowledge
prefer classical music
apply my knowledge of etiquette
strive for upper management and beyond
have good credit
display a substantial amount of wealth
enjoy going to the theater (stage productions not involving Black themes, actors and actresses) or the symphony
am called “bougie”
am accused of forgetting where I come from
am suspected of doing something illegal to have gotten what I have
must have slept with someone who had connections
am an anomaly and my behavior must be scrutinized to see why I don’t behave the way I’m “supposed” to
am still not allowed into certain circles because despite having worked to not fit the stereotypes, I am still BLACK on the outside, and therefore still not worthy.
No matter what I do, I won’t fit in. No matter how upstanding my behavior, how vast my education, how clean-cut and “non-threatening” I appear, the color of my skin will “always” (I hope this begins to noticeably change during my lifetime) dictate how you treat me. Does that make me a victim? Only if I believe it to be so, and I don’t. I haven’t been a victim since I grew strong enough to defend myself and smart enough to know how. What I have been is treated with disrespect, followed, misjudged, discriminated against, and not seen as being capable all because when someone looked at me they saw their beliefs and prejudices; their preconceived notions instead of plain old, regularly dressed, just going about my business – me.
I can’t control how others perceive me. I can only control how I see myself and how I react to the ways I’m treated.
Eh. I’m not really going anywhere with this. These words / ideas were sparked by a blog post I read earlier and I decided to roll with it. To write it out so I could come to grips with what I thought the post’s message was. I may have misinterpreted what the writer was trying to say so I came here to process it for a bit in the only way I know how. I wish there was a way to PM bloggers so I could ask my questions privately. It’s hard to really know what someone’s intent was or gather the deepest truth of the writer from the words you see posted and I prefer to get that information directly from the source – knowing someone’s truth goes a long way toward promoting meaningful dialog.
Bah. Okay, I think I’m good. We’ll chalk this one up to general musings and keep it moving. I do so enjoy the way other’s provoke me – I find it stimulating when I’m triggered to ride my own trains of thought.