(Insert ridiculously loud laughter here)
Seriously, it feels like just yesterday was the fresh start I’ve been looking forward to for the last 11 months. You know, that magic moment when the hands (why do we call them “hands”? They are more like hand-less arms…or point-less arrows. Hmmm, time….point-less…there’s a correlation in there somewhere) on the clock move past midnight and suddenly, a “new” year means a “new” me. One who is chomping at the bit to change all her bad habits, who will work tirelessly to live her dreams, pursue her passions, and in the process, regain her 30-year-old curvaceous, pain-free body.
(There’s that ridiculously loud laughter again)
Sigh. Instead, it’s “already” the third and nothing’s changed. (Good grief, can the laughter, will ya? I’m trying to be serious here.)
Okay, no, I’m not. At least not that serious. Truth is, there was some weird sense that I’d wake up on the first FEELING different. As if this time around, all that wishing, planning, dreaming, etc. would result in a total shift in how I felt at my core about me, about my life, and about the world around me. But nope. I took one look at the planner I’d DESIGNED for myself this month and thought,
“Good grief, I’ve done it again. I’ve made these pseudo promises to myself in the form of the lists, positive quotes, affirmations, time slots for exercise and meditation that I’ve carefully color coded into this month, and already I want to put a match to the whole thing and go back to bed.”
I don’t want to spend my days consciously tracking how many minutes I did something that resembled exercise, or how many slices of bread I’d had so I can put in the nutrition section of my planner. I don’t want to have a morning routine and a before bed routine. I want to LIVE – go out, do things with people who challenge and support my being. I want to ditch the gurus, the mantras, the “10 habits of the highly motivated, tastefully thin, rich person who you know you want to be…”; all that bullshit that while it looks good on the surface is really just reminding me that I’m not satisfied with who I am so I have to DO something to MAKE me acceptable. Or at least, that’s how it feels when I read the books, develop the dream boards, and buy whatever other tools they tell me I have to have in order to “live my best life possible.”
I’ve been given Steve Harvey’s latest book, the think like a success one. SIGH. Dilemma, the person who gave it to me isn’t someone I can easily say no to, so at some point I’m going to read it and discuss it with them. ACK!!!
No. I want to BE – healthy, active, calm, and at peace with me. But good grief, it’s already the third.