Did you see that movie? The person who introduced it to me probably had no idea how closely I’d identify with Ed Norton’s character. It’s weird what sleep deprivation will do to you. For me, usually, it just makes me extra goofy for a day or so, then sends me into “shut down” mode at the first opportunity for real sleep. Be that at a stop light (where I once fell asleep so deeply, and so quickly, I was able to dream for a few minutes), or on the couch as soon as I come in from work. Sometimes it brings me subtle hallucinations – I can see things moving out of the corners of my eyes that I know aren’t there. Yeah, I get that kind of sleepy when I’ve gone long enough without real slumber. As it stands, I’m on week three, having not been able to sleep in on the weekends in a long time. Perhaps I will eventually manifest my own Tyler Durden from which chaos and calamity will ensue, thus propelling me to the next level of adventure that awaits me.
It feels like forever since I last wrote a post for the blog. I hate to type it, but my Muse seems to have abandoned me. I’m thinking, because my writing comes from a part of me that’s no longer so deep – I have less water in the well from which my Muse drew my ideas. I’m still writing but not nearly as often as I had been. I miss it. Sure, I can sit down and force myself to write but what comes out when I do that is lifeless drivel that I can barely stand to type, let alone have the audacity to save for future use. I have one manuscript that is very near completion and a client’s manuscript that I’d hoped to have formatted and ready for release (!!) on Mother’s Day. HA! So didn’t even come close to that. I am even less focused these days than I believe I’ve ever been.
I believe I’m also going through another growth spurt – there was a two-week change to my work routine and environment, there’s quite a bit of flux going on in my regular work locale and then there’s the personal life (talk about flux). In other words, there is a lot of change on the horizon. No definitive dates though and I believe the being in limbo is what’s causing me to feel so unsettled. I have a few unanswered questions that once answered will lead to major changes in my day-to-day. I’m excited, afraid, anxious…it’s not lead me to staging fist fights with myself but that’s only because pain isn’t a liberating force in my world, lol