“I’m tired of men only loving me with their words, or their penises. I want… no, I deserve a man who loves me with his actions, his body, his words, his, well, everything. Because in case you hadn’t noticed, I love with all I have, and all I do.” Jocelyn (heroine of my second WIP for this year, entitled, Borrowed Love.)
My writing is a form of both prayer and meditation. It is a self-love practice and healing. It is my conduit to the Divine which lives in me. Through my writing I have been able to heal from my divorce, process the bullying, the date-rape (which I honestly had told myself was a night of drunken sex that I just didn’t remember), and the other little bits and pieces of my history that added up to me assuming the role of hapless victim. And yes, I mean hapless, not “helpless”. You see, life happened to me, quite often while I wasn’t looking but I never saw myself as without resources. Mainly one big well of stubborn strength (faith? optimism? curiosity?) that kept me going despite the precarious situations I got into.
This latest revelation – the one before my Divinity whispered the line above in my ear – allowed me to identify what the real glitch in my processing was. From there, I have found an abundance of ways to work with the glitch – which by the way I am lovingly adopting as my super power – so that it becomes way less of a hindrance. I’m excited that I have it as I find all the fun ways to work it to my advantage.
Ooopps. Sorry. See, that was my super power in effect. I started this post in order to talk about my work in progress and look at the fun tangent I ended up taking? :-). Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so my WIP is a novel. I hope to finish the draft up at 65K words. I certainly do not write epic novels by any stretch of the imagination. But I am writing. I am so in the flow with this one that I know this one’s been blessed by my Divinity. So many lessons to learn:
- What it is I REALLY want in a relationship
- How little I’ve been settling for.
- How to NOT settle any longer.
- How to identify and judge what the other person is bringing to the relationship table.
- How to speak my truth and not feel guilty
- How to love someone even when they aren’t the one for me.
There are probably more tucked in this WIP but those are the few I’ve discovered so far. I don’t know about you, but I channel my characters so I’m often just as surprised by what shows up on the page as anyone would be who is reading it for the first time. I was expecting one character to throw his hands up and exit stage left but instead, he decided to stick it out to see what happens. Who does that? lol
Anyway, I really just wanted to share with you, the three of you who read my posts (I’m teasing. I’m sure there are actually five of you, LOL), that I’m on track. The self-love is working as is evidenced by my being able to hear my Divinity clearly for the first time in months; I’m feeling stronger. There’s a building of motivation in me that I remember from years past when I made up my mind and changed behaviors over night. Bigger things are coming, better things; my goals aren’t so much smoke waiting to be blown apart by some random wind.
This dragon is just about ready to be born.