2:45 AM

Well, Mod One wrapped on the 21st.

After my bladder sent its call for relief this morning, I found myself wide awake (not unusual) thinking about what Mod One brought to my attention. Two things stand out.

#1.  I spend a vast majority of my time on auto pilot.  Doing what I’ve always done without any real thought to consequences or how I feel.  In fact, I end up feeling the same as I’ve always felt.  I am deep in sheep mode.

#2.  I really only have one core desired feeling and that’s to feel WORTHY.  The CDFs I came up with would be natural outcomes of my actions if my actions were based on my feeling worthy; worthy of the effort, worthy of the results, etc.

Won’t be hearing back from my Betas until the 27th, I hope that, much the same as I did – they have made some discoveries, that they see the patterns, and have now a solid starting point.  It’s only up from here as they say.  I’ll be expanding on this before the month’s over.  This was just one of those 0’dark-thirty outbursts from the voices in my head – I have to put words to page in order for them to feel heard / validated.  Once that happens, they tend to quiet down a bit and I can squeeze in a few winks before my alarm goes off.  Here’s hoping.

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