I had to take a step back (cliché) today as I realized I’ve heard those three words A LOT in the last six or so years. From men. More specifically from men who had decided they wanted to be in committed relationships with anyone but me, or were married and claimed that their marriages were SO bad, they just couldn’t take it anymore but for whatever reasons weren’t going to divorce their wives.
As I was discussing this phenomenon with my bestie today it occurred to me to share a little bit (in conjunction with my Mod One work) of what I think of when I hear or say “I LOVE You” . When these men said “I love you,” I believe what they meant was, “I have strong feelings for you.” You see, LOVE is an activity in my world, not just a feeling. When I say I LOVE YOU, I’m doing things to show you – I’m communicating, I’m offering my space, my body, my support, my loyalty and commitment. I’m saying I’m available to be there for you. A man who is married, or committed to dating (bedding) as many other women as possible, isn’t in a position to do for me, to physically be with me, to provide their support, affection, genuine, deep, care and concern. They aren’t in a position to “love” me because they are severely restricted in the freedom to express that “love”.
I’m not complaining though. I’m glad they feel for me, I get a bit of a warm fuzzy when the words are uttered. What woman wouldn’t be flattered to hear a man say, with clarity and that little bit of seductive purr guys can get when they attempt any display of emotion (gross generalization stated for poetic effect 😉 ), those magic three words? The trick here is to understand what it means and not build any unrealistic expectations.
I feel good having that clarified in my mind. I can let go of some self-imposed, misplaced heart ache. I can also be sure I’m practicing what I preach (more cliché) in that when I say it, I’m also doing it; that I’m not confusing strong feelings of desire (lust) with that real deep down, soul soothing, LOVE.
Alright, I think that’s all that came from today’s self-observation. 🙂 As always, thanks for stopping by.