Ah, The Satin Sheet Diva Experience – the act of creation involves a certain amount of destruction. I was surprised at first, when a bit of destruction showed up in my life. It came in the opening line on a piece of paper that was no doubt, mass-produced, and not aimed at hurting my feelings purposefully. In fact, there’s nothing personal about it other than it was an inevitable consequence to my actions. I ignored it, didn’t take steps to prevent it, and I have the “loan in default” paperwork to prove it.
Sigh. Okay, so my initial reaction was to throw a pity party, curl up in a ball and cry but for whatever reasons, my tear ducts don’t work like that. It would appear that part of my transformation has already taken hold, eh?
And that’s really what this post is about. I started this process, didn’t realize it at the time, but the transformation began with my last relationship. I have him to thank for introducing me to a part of myself that, based on so much of my study, is a key element I’ve been missing. Since he made me aware of it, I’ve been working to accept it, nurture it.
And today, it paid off. I’m sad, angry with myself, afraid of what this is going to mean to my already weakened financial state, but they’re feelings; transient states of being that hold little power to stop me from becoming the woman I am meant to be, want to be, DESIRE to be. A defaulted loan is the “destruction” that fuels my financial rise. I choose to see this as a positive, a stepping stone if you will, versus a dead-end. There’s even a bit of, dare I say, relief because it’s here and I can deal with it. No more worrying or anxiety over “when” the hammer’s going to fall. There’s a handy 1-800 included in the letter because “they” really want to help before any real ugliness has to happen. And believe me, I’m going to do what I can to help them help me avoid any lasting consequences of my fear based behavior from the past.
All of that to say this, if you happen to be on your own version of the Satin Sheet Diva Experience – a personal transformation that is bringing you to be your best self – then read this and know that if there hasn’t been some destruction on your journey, keep an eye out. I’m positive there will be. I can’t say how it will show up in your life because it’s got to be personal to your specific journey. But my faith in how the Universe works tells me that there will be some. I sincerely hope that you too have found a key to your transformation; that you’ve been nurturing it, giving it a space to feel loved and accepted. Because it will rise up to help you see that destruction for what it is, the spark of creation you’ll need to transform.
Keep stepping my loves, our Divas are waiting to embrace us.