This is so weird

You may or may not be aware, but I upgraded the blog several months ago thinking this version would magically disappear, leaving my stats and such alive on the new version. Apparently that’s not what happened.  So, while my subscribers are all over here, perhaps wondering what happened, I’ve been blogging away on the new version and wondering why I haven’t gotten any new comments and such.  It’s as if I’m living two separate lives! (okay, that was written more for dramatic effect than anything, lol)

Anyway, while I work with my web guru to figure out how to get things more fully integrated, I wanted to post something that wasn’t quite appropriate for the original blog I upgraded (click here) but still something I wanted to share with my blog readers and friends.

This is me, 2007

A LONG time ago, in a galaxy far away – sorry, couldn’t resist.  Here’s hoping I didn’t piss off the mouse with my borrowing.  Anyway, where was I?  Oh yes, back in 2007, I met this dude via My Space (yes, I’m old).  Not for dating purposes (as far as I was concerned), we met one evening at a local Steak and Shake to discus character development.  I’m going in with pen, notebook, and questions at the ready, not to mention an order of a single with cheese, fries and a sweet tea.  After it was all said and done, I had some relatively useful information and a full belly.  A few days later, he sends me this –

The Meeting

There is so much to tell… but, for now let me just talk about when we met.

Needless to say I was excited. The opportunity for an outlet to expand my writing was what the excitement was mostly about. The rest of my excitement was reserved for the opportunity to finally meet “Her”.

I was late. I hate being on other people’s time and I certainly don’t like to keep people waiting despite being a patient man under most circumstances.

I walked in her head was down with her focus on something else. First glance tells me she’s a bit nervous she eludes the evidence of nervousness by focusing on one thing or another. The average eye would not view her as nervous though. In fact she is quite a confident woman I can see that. She has nice posture… that’s always a good tell for confidence in a woman.

Wow! Nice curves. She likely has nice breasts and hips… very proportionate. I find that sexy. I have to see if I’m right when she stands up. I walk up to her, extend my hand and she shakes it… I think I’m lost in her for a few seconds. Details escape me. “Dana… Hello nice to finally meet you” I say or something like that. Why do we always lose the first few words we say to and attractive woman?

I sit… she needs her sweater and heads for her car I lost a few seconds there too thinking about how right I was about those curves of her. She’s back already. I’m so glad she covered up its bad enough I’m feeling her “like that” on the intellectual, looking in detail at her curves while were talking would not help I’d rather tell her what I think than she read it off of my actions. I almost said “thank you” out loud but, it’s too early for that.

What is on her mind? I wonder if she thinks I have a nice ass… 38% of women go for that. Is it obvious I’m going commando? I wonder if she thinks I’m handsome.

Ok [his name] focus… your not here for all of that, you’re done with wanting a woman right now. “Yes I know…” I say to myself “…but, she feels just like me about all that stuff you care the most about.”  “Let it go”… I tell myself.

So I go on to ask how I can help with her character development dilemma and we end up talking about her and some of her interests… This is not helping. Intellectually she’s just keeps becoming more attractive. She continues stimulating me in that way. Then I say a few things I noticed and she never answers whether or not I’m accurate… She just nods her head in approval and asks me to keep going as she sips her drink anxiously through her straw. so I continue looking into her eyes. She is a real stickler for eye contact. Her dad likely instilled that in her. It shows she’s not afraid of confrontation when it can’t be avoided I love that. Looking into her ebony eyes does make me a bit weak. I wonder if she can tell. Looking into her eyes at one point I almost said “I so want to go home with you right now” but she’d likely take it the wrong way. Could she comprehend that I can I only feel myself in the presence of very few people and that I miss that? I don’t know…

Very few eyes make me weak.

My Observations

She projects her voice perhaps she’s nervous.

Her plate comes… a burger with fries… not as shy as she lets on. Many women are not comfortable eating such a meal hands only no utensils as a first meeting of this type not a date an interview of sorts.

I forget our meeting has a business element. I’m just excited to meet her as a person.

I’d venture to say she intimidates men and they don’t stick around long. She’s a bit more forward than the average guy might like.

I can also see that she is uninhibited sexually but often holds back because she usually feels the male’s ego may be bruised.

She is very good at concealing her emotions. I say that because its not evident to me what she thinks of me one way or another. I can usually read that off of a woman right away.

Allot of these things we talked about but there are other things I withheld for further discussions with her… I can’t give it all away.

I anticipate her being covetous with what she thinks of me and how I make her feel. That’s the result of a whole other issue of hers with trusting her initial assessment of people. We’ll see how it plays out.

I was hoping she could give me a ride home. She was able too and I told her allot could be told by how a woman drove and the condition of her car.

I get in there are a few things placed here and there but the car is clean and not like she just overhauled it to get it clean she keeps it clean and its condition indicates she’s organized in how she keep her work space and home. The selection of movies from the video store is an indicator to me we have similar tastes in movies unless she has a movie date with a guy…. I’m sure she has a “regular” if she’s not actually seeing someone. She drives a standard a definite sign of an independent woman like it’s the type of car she honed her driving skills on… she drives it well and by the drive her vehicle is well maintained.

This is Only a Test

I think to myself, “How well does she handle awkward moments?” so decide to articulate how I feel. I say, “I feel like a teenager on a date.” Clearly her body language says “awkward”… but, no verbal response. So I go for shock value and grab her hand and made some comment. She responded verbally to my actions and comment with, “This is not a date.”  In awkward situations she’s likely to be very direct… That is good. Note to self, “Her hands are very soft and her narrow fingers indicate she gives good massages.” I wonder if she can braid well too.

Talk about perspective – I had no idea all of this was at play as I sat there and scarfed down my cheeseburger, asking him questions, and making notes.  We didn’t talk much after that meeting because well, quite frankly, I just wasn’t interested in him AT ALL and once he sent me the above essay (?), I was even less interested.

I don’t know why, but reading this again after all these years has left me unsettled.  I can’t quite put my finger on why so I turn to you and ask, “What the @#$% happened there?”

3 thoughts on “This is so weird

  1. OH. My. What the hell. Wow. I just. Wow.

    Well, now I know where you’ve been hiding. I’ll be checking out the new site. How’s the writing going?

    Okay. This post. What the hell? I see why you feel unsettled. I just. WOW. I can honestly say that this made me unsettled and angry for you. His “character profile” of you was rife with misogynistic language, sexual objectification and sexism. He completely ignores the fact that your body is yours and he has no RIGHT to touch you without your consent, admittedly forcing contact with you to see how you respond to awkward situations. He feels entitled. He’s narcissistic. He’s hellacreepy. Talk about perspective, indeed!

    RUN!

  2. Reblogged this on K. S. Bowers and commented:
    I have never re-blogged another writer’s work before, but this post illustrates perfectly WHY women need feminism. I’m sure every woman I know has experienced this before, maybe not to this degree. *shudder*.
    Thank-you for sharing this experience, Dana.

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