I write without plot outlines, character sketches, or research. I live life much the same way. I do things without forethought, no real planning. I leap without fear into many an abyss. I’m not a religious person; I don’t subscribe to any one doctrine. I do believe in a universal force of nature. Fate, karma, stuff like that makes sense to me. So what does that have to do with my bass ackwards or leap without looking approach? Well, I’ll tell you.
Faith. I have this unshakable faith that I will ultimately be okay. That the story will come, that the characters will speak to me and tell me which way to go in the story, that I’ll survive the landing – however far down I fall, however ugly my dealings with gravity. Is that arrogance? Or faith? I live on the edge of my income consistently. I struggle to find financial stability, yet I don’t worry that I won’t eat, that I won’t be able to meet my basic needs; I suffer bad credit, delayed gratification and bill collector’s calls, but at no point do I ever worry that I won’t still be happy in my life. Is this stupidity? Or faith?
I like to believe it’s faith. I have faith that the Universe knows better than I do and will take care of things. That doesn’t mean there won’t be rewrites or plot issues, or things that go wrong in the work; doesn’t mean that I’m not going to have problems, just means I’m going to survive. In some cases, I’ll be even better than I was before. I believe that there’s just one thing opposite of what I’m doing and that’s death. Once that happens to me, well I won’t be worried about meeting my needs anymore so…till then, I have faith that whatever I do, my effort will be met with the things I need.
Believe me, it’s not pretty living with very little stability other than this magical feeling of faith. I worry. I mean WORRY. I suffer anxiety attacks, some depression…but underneath it all, I don’t ever lose that faith. I get up, I go to work, I write, eat and sleep. I believe. So here I am, at the end of another paycheck, choosing to trust that investing this last bit of money in my writing business is the better decision than well, trying to spread it over the wide range of debt I currently have on my plate. Robbing from Peter to, hmmm, invest in Paul I guess would be the better way to screw with that saying. I’m going on the faith that by investing in my passion, the Universe will bring me the means to do away with the debt.
Yeah, that’s me.
Bass ackwards and walking off ledges having faith the path will be there when I land.