(a lyrical, or so I think, push from my muse)
I woke this morning, the remembrance of his kisses fresh on my lips. Knowing that those kisses are no longer mine; that I can’t pretend anymore has left me feeling empty. I have tried in vain to deny or replace but how can I erase the soft, remembrance of his kisses from my lips. The sensation is fresh though the kisses are long gone. The question looms, will I ever feel the remembered kisses as given from different lips?
So yeah, my muse and I had a dream about my current work in progress. You know I live through my main characters and right now, (SPOILER ALERT) she’s lying in a hospital bed, having survived a horrific attempted rape. The love of her life (she won’t admit it) just placed a ring on her finger, told her he loved her and then walked out. Not because he is leaving her, but because he understands she is just so whacked out right now when it comes to feelings, he’s giving her some space. She and I both, after such an onslaught of emotion, adrenaline and such have found that we no longer have the energy to keep people out; to hold up the walls around our feelings, emotions and such. She’s going to get through her issues (whether or not the love of her life is there when she does remains to be seen. I have three different endings I’m working on) but I realized late last night, that whether I work through mine or not, there is no “love of my life” waiting in the wings. But there are people who love and care for me. And it’s high time I stopped being disrespectful of their feelings. Yeah, that’s right. My old, childish heartbreak – the one that I allowed to convince me I wasn’t worthy – is just that. Old, and childish. There is no place for it in my current, live in the moment, be joyful, grateful, passionate, ALIVE right now, lifestyle.
I used to subscribe to the “one day” philosophy, but my dream, my muse, my main character…all point toward learning to live with what I have. If that means single, but with love and care, then so be it. I will keep the remembrance of those long ago kisses, but I will not regret.
Sigh. I really should work these posts out before I publish, LOL. Have a most wonderful day, and in case you were wondering…I love you.