Never the same person when I get back.

Travel changes me.  No matter where I go, if I’m in someplace different for more than a day, my perspective / perception gets changed.  I “see” differently when I get “home”.   This past trip is no exception, although you’d think going back to some place you spent over 30 years wouldn’t have much effect on you at all.  That is not the case for me.  I hung out in the old neighborhood, traveled routes and roads I could probably navigate with my eyes closed, with the exception that many of my three lane favorites are now two lanes and um, since when did the police care so much about speed limits! Either way, going back gets me every time.

I can’t pinpoint what’s different in me this go ’round as I’m still a touch groggy from the time travel.  I have, however, identified critical additions to my to-do and wish lists.  I’m sharing them here because accountability is everything and for some reason, putting certain things in writing gives me a heightened sense of responsibility to getting them done (no big surprise there, eh?).  I don’t want to let my reader(s) down.

So here for you is my “life” until June 23rd (after which I go on a celebratory vacation until July 22nd).  These items aren’t in any particular order.

  1. Finish drafting Demon Protegé, submit to editor
  2. Send query letters to all of the agents / publishers applicable to the sale of Hello Diva; self-publish 50 copies
  3. Sell Hello Diva for enough to PAY OFF / CATCH UP debt and QUIT my day job.
  4. Start prepping for life lived in 30 – 90 day spurts outside the USA.
  5. Live so that my word means something.

That last one…that’s the hardest one.  Living so that other people were “comfortable” fed my feelings of worthlessness.  I’ve made promises I haven’t kept, and decisions that put me in situations where the success I was hoping for, wasn’t obtainable.  Much like repairing my credit for the umpteenth time, I’m having to repair my credibility.

I’ve written that this blog is a way of building trust with my reader(s) to the point where they trust I’m going to deliver a quality product and in turn, they won’t hesitate to purchase one or more of my books.  Realized while on this trip, it’s not just my reader(s) I have to establish that trust with.  It’s me.  Raising my confidence (in the form of a very observant three-year old now living with my other personalities), is going to require a thoughtfulness, self-awareness, and level of self-care that up to this point, I hadn’t grasped.  Blame the travel for opening my eyes to that.

So, to that end, I have come back changed, challenged, and determined to fix my credit rating and my credibility with myself (given the personalities that dwell within, that really should be with my selves, lol).  I’m not sure exactly how to go about either task with my current resources, but somehow I foresee a lot of soul baring in my near future.  (insert curse words here).  Was so hoping to avoid any more emotion…

But okay, enough of that.  I’ve got work to do.


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