Day 15. On this rainy, over cast day, I lounge in my fuzzy robe contemplating intent. The “why we do what we do”. Very few people ever look at the “why” behind their actions. Instead, they’re careening down life’s highways, pedal to the metal, perpetrating hit and runs along the way as they go about just “doing”. They’re having unprotected sex, using people to get ahead, buying stuff they can’t afford, etc.
I’ve been living my version of this hit and run lifestyle for a while now. But thanks to the positivity challenge and other life situations kicking me in the rear, I’ve slowed way down and begun to examine my “why” BEFORE I step on the gas. I discovered I’ve been using all kinds of not so healthy, negative reasoning to justify a lot of my behavior. In my rush to be liked, accepted, I’ve gone above my means; over extended myself trying to impress or please. Where has any of that gotten me? Nowhere, because when I ended up not being able to please anymore, those relationships dissolved with the quickness. Quite often with bad impressions of me that didn’t have anything to do with the “real” me. And then I was left with a negative impression of myself because I falsely believed I’d failed them in some way. There’s a lot of relationship and opportunity road kill lying on the highway because my intentions were derived from such a negative mindset.
So, the positivity challenge came as a much needed detour with some scenic points of interest so far. Right now, I’ve stopped to smell the intentions. I’ll be donating time to clean up this section of road – weeding out the negative motivations, planting healthy aspirations…all so my intentions will grow in positivity.
Okay, time to leave the metaphor alone, LOL. Bottom line for this writer is that no good has come to me from any action or behavior that wasn’t aligned with my true purpose. Even my writing, if the idea doesn’t align with my purpose for writing (remind me to tell you what that is), then it never gets off the ground. Hence the scattered remnants of stories I have littering up my hard drives. My third manuscript is, I think, the first one I’ve written with the most positive of intent. I believe it to be my first, best novel and the one that’s going to put me on book shelves and e-readers the world over.
I want the rest of my life to feel like that. I want my actions to come from my most positive intent (notice, I have yet to say “good” – I know where good gets one in relation to intentions on the road of life. Yet another metaphor I could have run into the ground. Oh crap, that was a pun wasn’t it? Sorry. Ahem.)
Word play (as poorly as it was done) aside, I just wanted to share with you guys another glimpse into my writer’s mind in hopes of fostering a connection (intent). I still believe that it’s the connection to readers that builds trust in me as an author and that with that trust will come the feeling that buying and reading my books is a worthwhile endeavor.